Life’s Big Secret You Were Never Told At School

If you’re looking around at your life feeling like you want that “something more”, fearful that life isn’t looking like it will turn out how you’d hoped and worried that you may never be able to live out your dream, then you may be falling into the 30’s disappointment trap. You expected to be high flying in your career, raking in the dollar, settled with your life partner, thinking about a family, buying a home or just…well…something MORE.

“The DISAPPOINTMENT Trap”

Don’t panic though, there’s no need to reach for the balaclava and baseball bat, you don’t have to go to war with life, it’s just a trap and ALL traps can be avoided if you know they are there.

So let’s push back a second. I’m sure your twenties were really good fun, a little wild and unsettled but treasured with “we were crazy” memories. Now, in your 30’s, you’re starting to feel more grounded, you know who you are, what you like and what you need, however something still feels missing?

It’s not surprising, and you’re not alone because there is a BIG secret I want to share with you that they probably didn’t tell you at school. Before I do though, I want to share with you 10 reasons why people in their 30’s fall into this disappointment trap.

  1. Deep down you know exactly what you want to do but you doubt you can do it
  2. You don’t fully believe that you deserve the life you so desire
  3. You’re scared of failure which prevents you from trying
  4. You believe things about yourself that are false but they keep you in your comfort zone
  5. You’re waiting to feel ready
  6. You compare yourself to others
  7. You thought it would all just happen
  8. You think you’re not a lucky person
  9. You’re holding on to what you were told life should look like at this age
  10. You worry what others think of you

Which one of these reasons resonates with you?

Now you have an idea of what the trap looks like and what’s drawing you closer to it, you need to know how to avoid it.

Just one more thing though before I share the big secret with you.

How much longer are you prepared to live feeling dissatisfied with life? Yes, life is probably good, I bet you’ve got some good mates and you still have good times, and life’s good but… there’s a BIG BUT.

So, what’s better than good?

AMAZING, FABULOUS, INCREDIBLE, AWESOME, GREAT, FANTASTIC…

That’s what the disappointed trap is holding you back from. Yes, the above is possible; it’s not just something you see in the movies. I personally took my life from CRAPPY to HAPPY and BLAH to BLOODY BRILLIANT.

So you’re feeling a bit ishy, happy’ish, inspired’ish, fulfilled’ish. Hey, well I have news for you, there’s something fishy about ishy, it’s never quite enough is it?

So here’s what they never told you in school. Yes they said we could do anything we wanted to do or be anything we want to be and that we all have potential blah di blah di blah but what they forgot to bloody tell us was HOW? Really, HOW do we harness that greatness that lives within us that enables us to believe we can do it, that we deserve it, that it can happen to us, that you don’t have to be ready, that you can design your life exactly to your specifications and how not to be scared of failing.

THE BIG SECRET

Part 1. You have to start with what’s holding you back on the inside to create what you want to see on the outside

Part 2. Then you have to DO.

You can’t wish, pray or dream and not move your feet.

You may well be an amazing singer, have a bestselling book inside of you or have an idea for time travel but if you don’t do anything about it, well then, you haven’t done anything about it.

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Is Your Over Socialising Blocking Your Future Success?

You’ve been feeling a bit all over the place and burnt out lately so for the first time in ages you’ve decided to stay in on Saturday night. You want to wake up feeling fresh on Sunday because you have training, coffee with a gym buddy, a bday lunch in town, you’ve been invited to watch a game and go to the market, which you’ll try and squeeze in, if you can, because you’re also meeting an old friend for a quick drink later that evening in town.

You’re just about to cook dinner and the phone rings. You’re starving, you try and ignore it, but you can’t. You know it will be someone asking what you’re up to, you should ignore it but then you don’t want them to think you’re blanking them. “There’s an awesome party tonight, do you want to come?” You were out Tues, Weds, Thurs and Fri and you’re shattered, plus it’s the end of the month so money’s a bit tight. “Oh Pleeeeeeeeease, it will be shit if you don’t come.” Now you feel guilty like you’re letting them down. Before you know it you’ve said yes, freshened up and you’re out the door without even a mouthful of dinner. You’d hate to miss out.

Turns out the night wasn’t all that awesome. You spent a shit load of money, got pretty smashed, lost your phone and left your card at the bar, plus cabs were a nightmare. Rolling in at 6am was not on the agenda either.

You wish you’d said no and stayed in.

Could it be time to consider under socialising?

  • Do you find it really hard to ignore your phone, switch it off or put it on silent, in case you miss somebody?
  • Are you only ever at home for one evening a week. Does the diary always have something in it, gym, coffee, drink, movie, launch, show, mums etc?
  • Do you find it really difficult to say no to people and then spend the time leading up to the event thinking about how much you don’t want to go?
  • Do you feel guilty if you can’t go to something, as if you’re letting that person down because if they invited you it must mean you should be there?
  • Does not going to something fill you with actual dread that you might miss out? Is FOMO your middle name?
  • Do you have to look at event magazines and websites to be sure you’re going to the best things and still have your finger on the pulse?
  • Do you feel uncomfortable in your own company or does the thought of a night home alone makes you feel really edgy?
  • Does the thought of not being seen at a party dent your pride, in case people think you weren’t on the list or something?
  • Are you scared that if you stop going out, people will stop inviting you to things and you’ll be forgotten about?

If you’ve answered yes to most of the above then it’s time for you to start under socialising. Going out to have fun is great, it’s good for the soul and everyone needs to let their hair down. Going out because you feel you have to, you can’t say no or because you’re scared you’ll miss out… not so great.

  1. You compromise yourself
  2. You over commit
  3. You risk burn out

So what is under socialising?

Firstly it doesn’t mean you stop socialising altogether. Too much of something can put you off for life. Like when you eat too much of the same thing and then you just can’t bear it any more (I went through a salmon phase, the thought of it makes me want to yak) or like the first drink you got drunk on (Malibu! It took years to even use Hawaiian tropic sun cream). The point is you don’t want to burn out and stop socialising all together, right? It’s about choosing a few quality nights rather than lots of mediocre nights.

I love to party and I used to be a major over socialiser. I may just as well have changed my name to last woman standing. The problem was, other areas of my life were being sacrificed. Health, finances, work, relationships, mindset; I needed to rebalance and find flow.

Try the below for one month and you’ll instantly feel more energised, in control, grounded, focussed, alive, in love with life and more able to give to others.

  1. Prioritise all your engagements for the week and only say yes to the top 3. Discover how liberating it is to say no
  2. Think about what you can gain from staying in rather than what you’ll miss out on. Try writing it down, seeing it in black and white will remind you why it’s important
  3. Choose your 5 closest friends and only agree to meet ups with those five. Remind yourself of how real quality time with the people you love makes you feel.

Let me know how you get on, we love success stories and would love to share your success with the Life Cleanse community.

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7 Fear busting tips to help change your career

Picture this…

It’s not even Sunday evening yet and the dread of going to work tomorrow has already sunk in. The weekend flew by filled with standard Saturday chores; laundry, cleaning, gym, boozing and before you know it, it’s Monday. Life is covered in grey again. You can’t even remember when this started but it feels like it’s always been this way and now the way you feel about work creeps into your free time. Your job has become stagnant, everyday feels the same and you can’t seem to shift the niggling feeling that there is more out there for you…it’s just can’t seem tp put your finger on what that more is.

So what do you do? Do you stay in your job, spending day after day feeling miserable, waiting for a clear exit route or do you make a bold statement and quit without knowing what to do?

I’m 31 and I’ve changed careers over 10 times. I’ve had more jobs than I can remember, some super impressive and some teaching me valuable lessons I may normally have turned my nose up at. I’ve owned my own restaurant in Panama, presented my own show for London TV, taught Hip Hop and won competitions. I’ve been a breakfast chef in Corfu, made pizzas in Cornwall, a Communication Specialist, a Sales Assistant for Karen Millen, an Assistant Television Producer and a Life Coach in Ibiza… to name just a few.

I know about changing careers. I’m a career changing Ninja

Some may frown upon my portfolio CV and say it suggests I can’t settle or hold a job down but what I know to be true is that I’ve done what most others don’t. I’ve followed my heart, stood up for my happiness and stuck a middle finger up to the fear of failure.

I’m really passionate about seeing people do well which is why I want to share my top 7 fear busting tips for quitting the job you hate to live a life you love.

7 FEAR BUSTING TIPS

 

1. Remember it’s YOUR LIFE

You don’t owe your employer anything. It’s a fair exchange, your time for their money. Just because a company gives you a job it does not mean you are in debt to them. Yes be grateful, yes have respect but remember that it’s all a system that you don’t have to be a part of. What I’m saying is to not allow “I feel bad leaving” get in the way of making the right choices for you, even if it’s only been a few months, there are no rules. Do what feels right for you. It’s like staying in a relationship because you don’t want to hurt someone. That never works out for anyone.

2. Let go of the wrong or right decision

If you don’t enjoy something and you haven’t for a while how can it be the wrong decision to create change? The honest truth is no one can see into the future, you will never know at the point of making a choice if it’s wrong or right. The present moment is perfect so if in hindsight you feel you should have made a different decision then it means that there’s a lesson to be learnt there for you, which in the end, makes it the right choice. The only decision you have to make is that you want to be happy and then rest will fall into place.

3. Think of the worst case scenario

All the time I hear “But what if I fail or what if it goes wrong?” and I say “Well what’s the worse case scenario? Do you die? Do you end up on the streets?” I’ve never had a yes to either of these. It’s usually “Well, I guess I go back to what I was doing before and if I have to I can move into my parents for a bit” or something similar. When you weigh everything up and compare your most likely worse case scenario against your dream ideal outcome and then weigh up the value of your dream ideal outcome, you’ll realise it’s not such a big risk at all.

4. Don’t try to figure out the “HOW?” or the “WHAT?” while you’re still working

So many people don’t leave their jobs until they know what to do. Now I know that that sounds logical but not if you can’t figure out what you want and you’re wasting precious time waiting. How can you expect to think clearly, find answers and make decisions when you feel down and are working all day? This is not the right conditions for growing ideas, insight and inspiration. In my experience 3 months has always been enough time to get the ball rolling. Instead of waiting to know what you want to do, figure out how you can give yourself a 3 month transition period. I guarantee the answers will come a lot quicker and you’ll have 24hrs a day to make it happen.

5. Stop thinking about what others will think of you if you fail

Whether you have failed or not is only a judgement you can make on yourself. Ultimately all you’re doing is choosing to do something different, which you can’t really fail at. It’s no one esle’s concern what you do with your life, so don’t make what they think yours. The people who love you will want to see you happy and will support you all the way. If you know people that bring you down or make you feel unconfident then stop hanging around with them. You need to feel at your best so only hang around with people who do just that.

6. Stop worrying about money Money always comes.

Now I’m not saying you can quit your job and just sit on your ass, you do need to do something but worrying about it just stops you from moving forward. Worse case scenario you need to cut back, sell stuff or do a bridge job like making pizza (I did!) We’re talking about creating your dream ideal life here, the best outcomes are usually the hardest to get. What’s it worth to you? Think about what you are prepared to go without and what you’re not. Where can you make some cuts to give yourself the freedom to transition? It’s not forever, so what has more importance. Being able to buy rounds of drinks and a new handbag or following your heart, discovering your direction and fulfilling your potential.

7. Start saying it out loud

Stop waiting to feel ready and start telling people you’re going to make some change. You don’t have to know what it is but saying it out loud will send instructions to your subconscious that you’re serious which will help get you into the right gear for finding answers. The energy shifts when we make a verbal declaration. The first stage is thinking about change, the second is saying it out loud and the third is doing it.

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Love The Job You Hate With This One Easy Question

A few months ago I had a very interesting conversation with someone about choice. They were telling me about a meeting they had the following week which they were really not looking forward to. In fact it was ruining their weekend. I asked why they were choosing to let it ruin their weekend and they said they had no choice, they had to go to work and they had to go to this meeting.

“Wow” I said, “does your boss hold a gun to your head?”

Of course the answer was no. There were no guns, threats to kidnap their children or to kill their dog but who else can relate to this? I know I have felt the same in the past.

The conversation continued

ME: “I understand it is frustrating feeling like you have no choice, if you had a choice how would you feel?”

THEM: “I’d feel more in control, I’d be happier and I’d have more energy”

So I asked three simple questions;

ME: “What is the main reason you go to work?”

THEM: “To have money”

ME: “What three things does money get you that you couldn’t live without?”

THEM: “My phone, my car and a few meals out”

ME: “No, that you couldn’t LIVE without”

THEM: “Oh! Food in my fridge, a roof over my head and running water I guess.”

ME: “Ah ha! So you can’t live without those things so the first choice you make is to live and to live you need water, food and shelter and to get those freely and with a level of comfort you need money and to get money you need to work. So you choose to work. You don’t have to. You choose to because a few choices deeper you chose to live. How EXCITING!!

Taking away choice leaves us feeling powerless and for us to reach our full potential we need to feel empowered. The great news is we always have a choice. Reminding yourself that you choose to work everyday gives you back the power which then empowers you to make choices that may require big leaps of faith. So you hate your job, you can choose to be miserable everyday or you can do something about it. If the something about it seems like far away then choose to enjoy the time you spend at work because remember, you chose to be there because you chose to live.

Time is the MOST precious thing we have the pleasure of experiencing because once it’s gone, it’s gone. All though it feels like we live on borrowed time, it’s still YOUR time. It’s your CHOICE how you spend it. You can’t get yesterday back, or this morning or 5 mins ago or NOW or NOW or NOW… GONE. Your TIME Gone. We are a strange breed us humans because somewhere along the way we decided to sell our TIME for money so that we could no longer SPEND time freely. To choose how you spend your time means FREEDOM, take away the choice and you are powerless.

Now, so many people can only choose how they spend their money, not their time and if someone else has control over how much money you can make then there is no freedom in spending your money. Again POWERLESS. Do you sell your time for money (work) and then spend the day hating your time? The TIME you can’t get back. No wonder we are a sick and depressed race. OK, so in today’s world we need to work and sell our time but here’s the SECRET, you still have a choice about how you choose to enjoy that time.

When you feel yourself clock watching and wishing you were somewhere else, just ask yourself this one question: Do I want to choose to enjoy this time I can’t get back or do I want to choose to hate it?

At least then you know it was your choice and you’ll have no regrets 😉

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