When people come to me, they are searching for something more in their lives and sometimes that more is love-to find love or to have more love in their relationship. This week I was at The National Wedding show sharing my tips for a happy and long lasting relationship which I want to share with you too.
I’ve not yet had someone come to me saying; “What I really want to work on this time, is to have the unhappiest relationship I’ve ever had and for the shortest period of time.” Most of us want long lasting and happy relationships because ultimately we all want to love and be loved and what I’ve learned from listening to the relationship dreams of others and uncovering what holds us back, is that there is a common block creating disappointment and unhappiness when it comes to love.
I’ll be honest with you, I can still find myself doing it and I’m in a happy relationship. So it’s something that requires awareness and is a good first point of questioning if you’re feeling unhappy in love.
I blame Jennifer Anniston for my story.
It’s nothing to do with the Brangelina drama, I love, love, love Jen but I’ve watched every single one of her Romantic Comedies and I think they have began to skew my expectation of finding love.
You see, I have a day dream in my head and if I allow myself to indulge into it, I can begin to feel disappointed that my story didn’t turn out like this, even though I am genuinely happy.
It goes like this…
I’m in London on an Autumn day and I’m waking down the cobbled streets in my Manolos, hair perfect and blowing (think the opening scene to Sex And The City)
I go to Starbucks to buy a coffee and while I’m debating a decaf soya latte over a hot chocolate, I don’t notice the tall, dark and handsome guy in front of me, so that when he turns around we bump into each other and he spills his hot coffee all over my shirt. In true rom-com fashion, all is well because despite the flustering we lock eyes and we know in that moment that we are meant for each other. He sweeps me off my feet, marries me and makes me really happy.
There are two big problems with this story.
1: It’s HOT COFFEE! How do you make third degree burns sexy and funny?
2: The expectation that it should happen exactly this way and that someone else will make me happy.
Whether it’s because of rom-coms, Disney movies or the books we were read as little girls, the expectation that love is a certain way has become a story for many of us and holding onto that story can stop us enjoying what we have RIGHT NOW.
Too much expectation in life leads to disappointment and it’s not someone else’s job to make us happy. We are responsible for our own happiness and the more we outsource it to a day dream in the future or to our potential or current partner, the more chance there is for unhappiness.
So if you feel unhappy around love, question your expectations. What story are you holding onto that could be leading to unhappiness and how might your expectations of something else be stopping you from finding happiness right now?
HI, I’M LYDIA KIMMERLING
I’ll help you explore and discover more of what makes you happy.
Through my six-step Life Cleanse process you will answer the important question, “What will make me truly happy?” You will create a vision and plan for your life that is bigger than you ever thought possible, that will take your life from bronze (or maybe even silver) to gold.
Let’s start now. THE FIRST STEP IS TAKING THE HAPPINESS TEST…